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Usain Bolt
Barack "Usain" Boltbama (born 21 August 1986) is a Jamaican sprinter that is currently the fastest man in the world. Originally a bobsledder, Bolt decided to give it up when he realized he was Black and therefore had an extra muscle (before you get all PC police on me its proven science that Blacks have a muscle that makes them fast k? Its a fact) that makes him run fast so he should get into track and field. All the other sprinters like Tyson Gay (he is NOT gay) are hating life right now because Bolt wins all the metals. Early years and career Bolt was supposedly born in Jamaica in 1986 and named Usain St. Leo. CIA operatives refuse to investigate claims that he was actually born in Kenya so this is the story we have to accept. Living in Jamaica, Bolt was headed for a life of robbing tourists who came to his country to scuba dive. But then he discovered that he was literally faster then a roller coaster. Economically speaking it made more sense to become the fastest runner in the world and get a lot of endorsements, because that pays more then stealing petty cash. So he became a runner. Meanwhile Barack Obama became a runner too except he ran for President and won. Meanwhile all the terrorists have become imboldened under Omaba. HAMAS, Al-Qaeda, and PETA for example. Obama wasnt even born in America which is why we should have elected Mccain who was born in Panama. He has already raised taxes so high that I cant even afford to pay off one VISA or my AMEX. I could afford all of lifes luxuries under Bush but things have now changed so dramatically. I can add all my expenses up and its so high that I might as well quit my job and that way I can afford to pay my bills by using handouts. With Obama in charge the future of America will be lies and socilism and we will all fall like a domino. Can Republicans take back the White House and save are way of life? Only time will tell. But anyway back to Bolt. He won his first race after the favorite, Jean Paul Jeanpaul from Trinidad and Tobogo overslept thanks to the AM/PM button. Afterward Bolt continued to smoke the competition like a Cuban cigar, which is illegal. He would explode out of the gate like a grenade and then he would be ahead so far he could showboat like a typical thug well before the finish line. The way Bolt dominates all of his opponents reminds me of how Bush used to dominate all the terrorists. Rememeber when we attacked Afghanistan to catch all the terrorists and Bush got em all? All those terrorists got FUBAR bad! Osama oops I mean Obama meanwhile has only thrown away money in the War in Afghanistan which is a war of his choosing. Record breaker Much like Obama has plunged this country into record breaking debt, Bolt was astonishing as he shattered record after record. This aint Vincent van Gogh but the way Bolt set the record in the 2008 Olympics was literally a work of art. And the fact that he wins by so much makes it more like the surreal Salvador Dali. He would toy with his opponents and then turn on the jets, tearing there hearts out and eating them the way Magua ate male and female hearts alike in the French and Indian War. Although setting records in mostly sprints, Bolts long legs has led some to think he could also win a marathon. Do races even exist that Bolt cant win? Right now only one does, and it is known as the WHITE race, however if Obama has his way this race wont exist soon because he hates White people or the White culture and his plan is White slavery. Meanwhile the liberals continue to trot out moronic araguaments like "No he wont." LOL. These libs really are dumb. So lets get if of these antiguated notions like "progressivism" and kick Obama out, then we can bar Buddah and Allah from are schools and make all the students pray to Jesus like are Founding Fathers intended and that way are country can go back to its former glory as quick as Usain Bolt.